Cheap Backgrounds
by SilverCaladan
Summary: It's easier to lie to yourself than to others. Sometimes we just need to be smacked in the face to get out of the ruts we create and wallow in.


A/N: A long one-shot to make up for my neglect of updating. I'm sure you can figure everything else out from the story itself, but if you have any doubts (and I mean any) then just email me and I'll sort it out.  
Special thanks to **Liquid Ice** who helped me through some rough characterization parts, and especially to **Vee**, who is always willing to edit, and wasn't afraid to tell me that I was taking the easy way out when I left this at two pages. Whaddya know; she was right! ^_^

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Cheap Background  
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Another beautiful day, cooped up inside the torture pit most liked to call high school. What people see in learning I can't really understand; sure it's good for some things, but not for everyday life. Falling in love doesn't require a doctorate in anything, and being someone's friend doesn't require straight A's. This is a required prison; both of the mind and the body.

But the sun was calling to me through the nearby window, practically sending me into a frenzy of impatience, waiting for school to be over... or at least for there to be a break. But the thought of a break stems my impatience somewhat; I'd have to face being all alone again. 

Have you ever tried sitting all alone at lunch, knowing that everyone in the room with you either hates you or thinks you're a stuck-up bitch? It's not a pleasant prospect. All the stares, all the meant to be overheard gossip, the silences... the silences are the hardest. I can deal with being the center of attention, or insulting the gossipers right back... but I can't deal with the silence.

I'm too extroverted. I want to always be talking to someone, to be making some kind of noise. The silence unnerves me. I don't know how to fight back against that. It's pure torture to just sit there, alone, day after day, and not be able to share my observations or humor with anyone.

Classes aren't much better. I keep silent in them too, because anything I say gives everyone else more ammo against me. It's not like I often know the answers anyway. So what's the point of even trying, when everything I say will just make my life worse? Even gym and the volleyball team competitions can't cheer me up anymore: people just tell me that I'm a showoff and a pretender when I make a spectacular save. 

After school things don't get any better. I'm loaded down with homework I will never do but feel guilty about not doing and all my duties as a senshi don't really leave time for that anyway. To add to the stress, I just now found the rest of the senshi. I want to trust them and be good friends, really I do, but they're being cold towards me. I showed up one day on the black-haired girl's doorstep during a senshi meeting, and they didn't react too well. I mean, I saved their butts, and the blonde one who's supposed to be my cousin is always obsessing over me, but that's not the same as friendship. 

Friends share with each other, friends stick-up for each other... friends are there through thick and thin. I'm not too sure I even want to be friends with them. Everyone I love gets hurt at some point in time... and these people already seem too special to me to let them be hurt.

It doesn't matter that I have no one to talk to besides Artemis, and even he doesn't really understand what I'm living through. 

It doesn't matter that I get gossiped about everyday within my hearing range. 

It doesn't matter that I cry at night, wanting love and yet so very afraid to give it. 

All that matters is that I do my duty to everyone: to my teachers by showing up at school, to my parents by trying to please them, and to my new teammates by trying my best to work with them. If I'm lucky, I can pull off at least one of those three in any given day. Most days, though, I have enough trouble just getting up in the mornings. It's not completely laziness keeping me in that bed.

I do still have my pride though; no matter how much they hurt me inside I can't let that show on the outside. I go on being my cheery, talkative self, even when only blank and annoyed faces are turned my way. 

But I can't help but wonder if I can keep going on like this. I've retreated so far into a silent shell at school that afterwards, with the senshi, I try extra hard to make them like me. Repressing myself during the day just leads to a build-up in energy, which often scares the people who do bother to hang out with me. The blonde, though, I think she might understand already in her own way. She's always acting up with me, supporting me when the others might disagree. She's the closest person I've had to a friend since I moved back to Japan. 

But I'm too scared to make any of the deeper overtures of friendship toward her. Oh the job of an after-school acquaintance is easy to fill without really giving away anything of mine: ideas, emotions, thoughts, and the past included.

So brave, fearless Minako has to continue on her own, working through day after similar day.

Every day is so similar; in fact, that it feels like I'm just running in place and a cheap background is looping around behind me. The question is, if I trip and fall, will the background still be moving behind me, and will it even worthwhile to get back up again?

Right now, in the midst of an ocean of people walking through the halls, the lost feeling overwhelms me. I stop and watch the masses, unconsciously balking at joining the world once again.

Stopping probably wasn't the best of ideas in the crowded hallway, a thought that occurred as my elbow was slammed into and all of my books fell to the ground. "Oh, I'm sorry, but you were in the way." The sarcastic tone brought tears to the back of my eyes but I ruthlessly blinked against them. Never let them see you cry, for it is an admission of weakness. 

"Maybe you shouldn't stand in the way!" Another shoves against my shoulder, stressed out and looking for a way to relieve it. I must be their chosen way.

"Maybe you should go around!" I hiss back, bending over to pick up the books. 

They're all still standing around me, blocking the scene off from the view of the teachers. Just as I pick up the first book I feel a push, and land on my side. The girl who pushed me gasps, her hand caught in an iron grip. "I'd leave her alone if I were you."

The guy's eyes are icy, and speak volumes to the girls who were torturing me. They sneer at him, and the ringleader jerks her hand away. "Whatever." She turns to her friends and smiles maliciously. "Freaks flock together!" They all snigger, and flounce away down the hall. 

The guy watches them go, still in the protective stance, then he turns to me, his cold expression melting into a wonderful smile. "You okay?"

I smile back. He is actually one of the first good reasons I have to really smile, and not just that constantly amused expression. "I'm fine. Thank you for helping me, but I didn't need it."

He chuckled, standing there with his hands in his pockets, just watching me with knowing violet eyes. "They really don't like you, do they?" I gave him the 'look', the one that clearly states that I don't want to go there. He's either immune to it, or completely blind, because he thrust out a hand to help me up. "Name's Duo Maxwell. See that you take care of yourself, alright Blondie?" I watched him swagger away down the hall, feelings of gratitude, attraction, and surprise all warring for control of my features.

True, I hadn't seen him around before, but he was one of the first to stand up for me. He was most likely that new transfer student some of the guys had been discussing earlier in Science; the one who was kick-ass at basketball. He'd risked his future reputation to help me... and he was fricken' hot too. 

But he called me Blondie. Gah! Why do all the hot guys have to insist on the stupidest nicknames? 

The hallway emptied, all of a sudden. The bell must have rung while Duo was walking away. I turned, and strolled slowly away in my own direction, in no hurry to get to my next class. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a set of glass doors leading out on the street. Impulsively, I slipped through the doors and out into the fresh air.

Okay, so it wasn't that fresh. Pollution, trash, and all that. Still, the wide open spaces and emptiness of it all just... called to me. I walked out through the parking lot and across the street, as if in a dream. Glancing back at my prison, just once, I took off over the hill and cut through a suburb. 

I was out, soaking up the sun and tangling my hair in the wind. It felt good. Salve for the soul. Daring of me, really. I am brave, risk my life everyday etc. etc, but I've never really done anything to break the rules. I was a goody two-shoes, just like they called me. 

Until now.

The adrenaline, the freedom, it just all felt so good. Unfortunately, I didn't know where to go. Couldn't go home; too early for that. Couldn't go to that temple, it was way too early for anything even resembling a scout meeting to start. No one was out of school yet.

Rocks crunched underfoot, startling me out of my musings. My wandering feet had brought me to a park, a slice of wildness in the middle of a city. 

It was beautiful, just the sort of setting to forget the unhappy feeling that had been growing inside of me all day. I drifted over to a bench sitting in front of a beautiful lake. The reflected sunlight on the water was hypnotizing, and helped to dull my mind against everything; thoughts, actions, time.

So the sudden noisy sound of a bus in the middle of all this quiet startled me into glancing at it. A school bus full of kids... from my school. I didn't know that the routes went this far out.

And who got off that bus but the puzzlement himself, joking and laughing with a crowd of admirers. It somehow disgusted me, that he was the center of so much attention even when he'd gone against the more popular girls for me. I was never that lucky.

I shifted so that it appeared I was watching the lake again, but could still see him out of the corner of my eye. He was walking down the sidewalk gesturing, with a few girls hanging on his every word. They were doing everything but drooling. Please, he may be hot, but he isn't that hot. Besides, as nice as he was, the guy was completely blind to feelings. I stopped watching him out of the corner of my eye after that, and focused completely back on the lake. 

I ignored the faint crunching of rocks; a few people had passed by in the time I'd been sitting on the bench, zoning out, so it wasn't all that unusual. What really jolted me was when a shadow blocked the sunshine and the crunching paused. "Imagine seeing you again." The grin was audible in the soft tone, and I jerked my head up to peer at Duo.

Never one to waste a chance, I replied, "Last time I checked, I wasn't invisible." He laughed, full and throaty, one that just made me sigh. I hadn't meant it to be that funny. Duo tossed his backpack under the bench and collapsed next to me. "I don't remember inviting you to sit next to me."

He stretched out on the bench and put his arm across the back bar. "See, that's why no one likes you." 

I raised my eyebrow at that. "If you're only going to believe the girls at school, then no, no one likes me."

Duo grinned at that, and promptly asked "So you've got friends outside of school then, Blondie?"

Sharp this one was. I'd have to be careful with him, or he'd end up finding out more about the state of my life than I cared to admit. Not to mention he called me Blondie again. Gag. "So you like stupid nicknames, eh Braid?"

He chuckled devilishly and looked at me with a piercing gaze. Uhoh. But he let it drop, and didn't say anything. It appeared even he wasn't immune to the silence that seemed to be prompted whenever I was near. Duo just sat there... watching me. I was tempted to twitch under his gaze, but I just stared calmly back. That is, until the silence got oppressively heavy.

"Just because you've got a whole fan club already following you around doesn't mean I'll be one of those harpies who'll hang on your every word and answer questions instantly." I regretted the sharp words almost as soon as they were out of my mouth, but all he did was raise an eyebrow. Great, now he thought I was jealous of them for getting his attention. I shifted and turned to look at the lake, trying to make the problems he presented go away by willpower alone. "Look, I'm sorry. I'm not usually this sarcastic... I'm just having a really bad day." Where did that come from? It was like my common sense was having a field day along with my good nature. Why was he so silent, anyways? Duo's already proved beyond doubt that he is just as talkative as an extrovert can be... but now he was quiet. 

Duo shifted his gaze to the lake as well, but didn't move otherwise. It seemed like a silent invitation to keep talking, but I wasn't going to fall for that. Then again..."You're just like them, you know? Only difference between you and them is that you have a heart."

I heard a snort, but otherwise there was no objection. So I continued blurting some of what I had mused on today. "You have all of the qualities they look for in a guy; you're hot and already popular. I bet that if they had spoken to you this morning you wouldn't have stood up for me. It's one of those faults of humanity, to want to be accepted."

An ugly expression crossed his face for a second, but there was still no sound. Another stretch of silence prevailed, until I decided to voice my feelings. "When I first transferred to that school, I tried to make friends with a lot of the girls. I even invited one over to my house, and had a great time." I frowned, lowering my head. "She was looking for dirt on me. The next day, I overheard some gossip about how stuck-up I was. She'd used me to get into their group... I don't know why and I'm pretty sure I don't ever want to. Watch, tomorrow this'll be all over school and they'll call me a crybaby."

That elicited a reaction, and he frowned; an expression that cast an annoyed feel to his features. I heard him take a deep breath to presumably convince me otherwise, but a soft beeping noise drew his attention. I didn't even hear it until he started rifling through his bag. Duo pulled it out, glanced at it, and cursed under his breath. "Sorry Blondie, gotta run."

And run he did. He picked up his bag and raced straight across the grass, headed the way his floozies had gone earlier. "Um... goodbye?" I blinked, confused, at his back. He wasn't supposed to run away while I was in the middle of sharing a deep conversation with him.

I rolled my eyes, and out of the corner of my eye a pen sticking out of my backpack caught my attention. What did that remind me of again? Oh. "Crap! I'm late!"

I ran and ran, dodging cars and people, ignoring the scenery, and trying my best to make it to the meeting before it was too late; I had to make a good impression. I was in good shape, but pretty soon every breath of cool fresh air burned like hydrochloric acid in my lungs. My mouth was dry, and my throat was closing up. A sudden realization of my hatred for stairs materialized as my body forced me to slow the pace. 

The hundreds of stairs loomed above me dangerously, and I stood there, panting and leaning over the first step. All of my energy reserves had been used up, and I need to catch my breath again before I'll even try to force myself up them. 

Blood pounded between my ears, my heart still racing to supply my muscles with oxygen. It was amazing that I could still hear anything over it. But I'd stopped running... so why did I hear shoes pounding upon the concrete?

"I'm LATE!!" A breathless scream drew my attention, and I saw the blonde racing toward me as fast as she could. I grinned, keeping my mouth open, and waited for her. She didn't slow down, and grabbed my arm as she passed, jerking me up the stairs behind her. The screaming continued, but I couldn't make out what she was saying anymore. It had become background noise.

"Took you long enough." An annoyed voice greeted our panting arrival upon the doorstep.

The black haired girl seemed to be sneering, and her irritated tone pierced me to the core. But I smiled happily at her. "I'm sorry. I was talking to this guy—"

The girl snorted in exasperation, interrupting me, and turned to the other blonde. "What's your excuse, Usagi? Get detention for being late again?"

Usagi grinned, and pushed past the black haired girl. "Yea, but I'm hungry! Did Makoto bring cookies this time?"

I stepped through the door after her, listening to the girls banter back and forth. I'd already seen such exchanges turn into glaring matches, but they were amusing to watch. The other two occupants of the room greeted me warmly, but the studying quickly turned into gossip. 

All of them talked so easily with each other, and there was such camaraderie in the room; even between Usagi and... Rei. I felt like I was intruding; as much as they welcomed my input, I was like a stranger to them. Why should they feel comfortable with me in the room?

Speaking and smiling, I bluffed my way through the study session. After all, I've seen enough hot guys to make all of them drool, so that part of the gossip was easy.

Laying in bed, staring up blearily at my ceiling that night, I realized something. But sleep's sand soon erased the thought and its paths from my mind. Damn. It seemed like such an... import...ant... thou...ght...too...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Routine, routine; everyday follows the same boring, lonely routine. Get up, eat breakfast, mumble something to my parents, somehow arrive at school, sleep with my eyes open, eat food in silence, sleep with my eyes open again, then "study" sessions with the other scouts after school. 

So I traced the same steps I walked day after day from my last class to the lunchroom, and sat in the same spot, alone, and eating slowly. If I was still eating, it gave a good excuse for not being able to talk. It's an illusion that I just wasn't talking because I was eating; one that no one, including me, believed. But it made me feel slightly better because I was doing something with my hands. 

Drinking a sip at a time, I smiled at the world at large. Loneliness isn't fun, but the drink tasted so good. "Blondie!" The pleased exclamation caused me to swallow too soon, and I put the drink down before I can accidentally drink anymore. What the hell was he doing here? Why isn't he with his following? 

"Hello Duo!" I greeted him cheerfully, glancing surreptitiously around to make sure that there wasn't anyone standing behind me, giggling and watching with wide eyes. 

He tossed a bag on the side of the table across from me and sat down, a pleased smile on his face. It almost looked like a smirk, except for the fact that his tone was laughing. "What're you eating?"

"What I got out of the fridge this morning. Why aren't you eating with your friends?" I figured a question for a question was a fair trade. Besides, I was burning with curiosity. Whenever I saw him in the hallway he was always walking with a whole group; it was the same way after school.

"Simple. They aren't my friends." He opened his bag nonchalantly and pulled out some sort of sandwich as if what he had just said should be obvious to everyone.

To me, of course, it could not be true. I felt my eyes go wide, and my voice came out extremely surprised. "They aren't your friends?!"

"Nope." He took a big bite out of whatever concoction made up that sandwich and talked around his food. "I don't have many friends."

I gestured wildly at everyone around, trying to convince him otherwise. "But you have plenty of friends and you've only been here a few days! Everyone is always talking about you. 'Duo this' and 'Duo that'; why would you do things with those people if they aren't your friends?"

"To pass the time."

"But this is one of the first times I've seen you without people crowding your space. You talk freely with them, spend time with them, but they aren't your friends?" This was starting to sound really familiar. I shut up before I could start being more hypocritical.

Duo merely chuckled, an expression he seems to be very fond of. "My friends—if you could even call them that—are the ones most able to understand all of me."

I laughed at that, trying to make light of what he said. It had hit me deeper than it was meant to, I think. "What, do you have some sort of secret that only your 'friends' know about?"

This cracked him up, and he didn't calm down for a while. "You could say that. You could definitely say that."

Every second I spent talking to Duo just convinced me more and more that he wasn't like every other kid in this school. Superficially, he was the king of the social scene; talkative, hot, popular, and funny. But he's sitting right there in front of me, talking about something as deep as friendship openly, almost as if I was his... friend?

"Why the hell are you telling me this?" My eyes narrowed. As nice as it was to have someone like me, I had to scare him away before he got hurt. I'm nice to the senshi because I have to work with them; Duo is an innocent. 

He leaned over the table and looked me straight in the eye. "You know, you're awfully defensive for a lonely extrovert."

I bristled at that and tried not to make a scene of this for the whole school to gossip about. "And you're presuming too much."

The laugh had a cold undertone in it and my spine tingled sharply. "Trying to deny it, Blondie? The loneliness is there. I can see it lurking behind your eyes. I can feel it in the way you stand. Your attitude practically screams it." Casually he sat back, his gaze holding me riveted and silent in my seat. "You're scared; scared to trust. Distrust will take you places you don't want to go."

I finally worked up enough nerve to try to get in a sentence; ignoring his stifling gaze, I took a deep breath and started. "How—"

But he interrupted me, sharply, almost as if he was trying to save me from making a mistake. "Turn your life around before you find yourself living through day after hard day of nothing." With that he stood up and started to walk past me, but paused and patted my shoulder. I brushed his hand off angrily, and heard the echo of a soft laugh as he walked away. 

What fucking gave him the right to talk to me as if he knew me?! Duo's only been here one damn week and already he's acting like he knows me inside and out; like we're too similar for our own good. 

Well fuck that. I got up and stormed out of the school; if I wasn't careful my skipping would be noticed and I would get in so much damn trouble, but I was really too angry to care about that. 

So he noticed that I'm lonely. Big fucking deal. I've lived with it long enough to know how to deal with isolation. I may not be living the good life, but I'm protecting anyone and everyone that might get close to me. 

I won't watch anyone else I love die.

I'll do my duty to the senshi and protect them with all of my being. 

Even if it means that I have to live a non-existent life. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Ohmigod! Didja hear? Duo's transferred to another school!"

What the hell? I came to school this morning ready to ignore Duo at all costs, and instead I pass these gossiping teenagers. Almost against my will I coolly drift in their direction to hear better.

"But he just got here a week ago! We didn't even get a chance to really know him!"

Unfortunately, they don't have anymore information other than he's just gone, and none of the teachers know why, much less any of the students. Even his so-called friends are clueless. I sigh in disgust and make my way to my locker to start off the daily battle.

But when I opened my locker a brightly colored, folded piece of paper fell out. Curiosity suddenly overwhelmed any caution or anxiety I might have felt over it, and I tore open the paper. Inside the folds was a messy but readable print:

_You aren't Wonder Woman.   
You can't fix every problem that you might have.  
But friends will go a long way towards keeping you alive._

Plus, I won't be there to catch you next time you fall so far that death haunts your eyes.

Be seeing you around, Blondie.

Duo Maxwell

He's... he's gone. Just... disappeared. Out of the school, out of the city, out of my life.

And all he's left behind is this stupid ass note and some crappy life advice. I'm not suicidal!

I'm not depressed every day of the week. I'm not alone in the world. I'm not insane enough to kill myself! I don't wish I could just disappear. I don't lie awake late at night wishing that some strong villain will put me out of my misery...

Fuck.

Duo's right. I do want to die.

I narrowed my eyes and clenched my fists around the note. I couldn't protect anyone if I died. I should follow Duo's example, even if he didn't know he was making one, and make friends with the only people that have any chance of understanding and helping me through what I have to put up with. 

The senshi. 

All of them are so friendly; even the priestess underneath her grumpy exterior. They also risk their lives every day, just like I do. If anybody could understand how reluctant I am to put people in danger, they will. I'm sure they'll survive the odds...

It's time to pull out the movies, popcorn, and sleeping bags.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ "Hard days made me,  
Hard nights shaped me,  
I don't know they somehow saved me,  
And I know I'm making something  
Out of this life they called nothing"_

"And if I make it through the day  
Will tomorrow be the same?  
Am I just running in place?  
And if I stumble and I fall, should I get up and carry on?  
Will it all just be the same?"  
~ Good Charlotte -- The Young and The Hopeless ~ 


End file.
